Currently I have this "unofficial" adult english class I teach. I have an official one I teach from May to November, and I am only supposed to teach that one.  However, the ladies from this class like to hire me in the off season.  The advantages are that the pay is the same and I get free food before hand.  Kinda hard to pass up.  Please make a mental note that the ladies in this group are all married, 60+.  This is an important fact.  Trust me on this.  Whatever age you, dear reader, maybe, this is an important fact.  Put it in your data logs.

Well, last week, I had an awesome lesson.  I gave them apartment ads from back home and roomate ads.  I let them choose what they thought was the best apt/roomate combination.  They had a blast.  Like they realy enjoyed it.  For homework I told them to bring in apartment ads for Japan.

So this week, on tuesday, we met again.  I informed them that they were to pretend that they had a friend from America who had decided to live in Japan...Kagawa to be exact.  She was looking for an apartment to live in, and would pay $500 to whatever group gave her the best deal.  Who knew that imaginary money was such a motivator.  These ladies went to work harder than I have seen them work ever in class.

***

Fifteen minutes later, I pretended to be the friend from America and asked them a series of questions about the apartment. Location, size, etc...  I was pretending to be someone who knew very little about Japan.  I should have pretended less, for the following happened.

I said:  "So...I hear in Japan it is hard to find toilets you sit down on...all toilets are squatters, right?"


this is a "squatter" toilet.  when you walk into a stall and see one of these, you usually look in the next stall for a normal toilet.  If you cannot find one, good luck.

One student responded that the apartments had western style toilets and showed it to me.  She also told me I would be happy to know it had a "washlet".

I, of course pretending to be ignorant, asked what one was..because we don't really have those in america.


here is a toilet with the built in washlet system.  Or "bum sprayer" as I like to call it.  Don't worry, you have to activate it if you want it, and I have never, ever, ever seen one with a jet THAT strong.  That would be like an enema.  Regardless, funny picture.  BTW, not a fan of the washlet....feels too....invasive.

That was a mistake.

She says to me, "really?  oh...but they are so much fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" and starts nudging me.  Keep in mind here, that I am supposed to be an American woman she is trying to convince here.  I raised and eyebrow and said, "fun?"  The other ladies start nervously laughing.

Then she says, "yes! fun!  I mean you just really really want to use the washlet!  It's so much fuuuun!"

By this point the ladies are red and cracking up.  It takes me a minute to realize that I have noticed this same kind of laughter before.

...it's the pervy laugh.  It's the laugh you do if someone says, "Man, I got too many nuts in this sack" as they are rummaging around in an actual burlap sack looking for nuts.

It's the laugh you do if someone says, "Man, I am having a ball today."

I will give you a minute to figure out why these women were laughing about the washlet.  Go ahead, think about it.  I'll know you understand completely what was going on when you have the following reaction:




I really really really do not need to know that! I did not need to know that women in Japan use the washlet in toilets to...well...that!  I mean, sure, that's great...but I don't wanna hear about my STUDENTS doing this!!! Not during class!!!! ESPECIALLY NOT STUDENTS WHO LIKE TO THINK OF THEMSELVES AS MY JAPANESE MOTHERS!!! and not all laughing about how true it is and going on about husbands being away and so forth.

I really really really did not need to know that.

however, I responded in the best way possible.  I pretended not to understand as they did their pervy laugh for a good 3 minutes.  Sometimes, it's great to pretend not to understand Japanese.  Gets you out of situations like this.

Rest of the class went off fine.  Not to bad if you considered they had to SHATTER MY INNOCENCE.  Seriously.  I mean the next time I see one of those washlets, I am going to have...have....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! that image!!! aaaaaaah!